Mamma Mia!

Do you ever have one of those "d'oh" moments where you think your subconscious is manipulating you? I had one last week, and I'm wishing my mind would pull one over on my more often!

About three weeks ago, my skin started breaking out like crazy. Ever since I went off hormonal birth control a few years ago, my skin responds to the tiniest change in anything. As 30 gets closer and closer (next year...eek!), I keep waiting for that moment of time after acne and before wrinkles. I think I missed it somewhere.

Since I have a unhealthy addiction to beauty products, I'm amazed that I managed to wait to buy a Clarisonic for so long. When my skin exploded, with acne earlier in the month, I finally gave in to the hype. (The VIB coupon didn't hurt.) I got the Mia because I don't really want to deal/pay with/for the big kahuna...and it came in purple! Then last week, my body let me know where all that acne stemmed from with a dramatic return to fertility. Oh.the.joy. My skin immediately began to clear up, but I decided to use my new toy anyway.

via Sephora

Oh my gosh! My skin looks and feels amazing! After a week! I had no idea how much dead skin (gross) was on my face. My husband keeps trying to get his hands on my cheeks, which is sweet and creepy at the same time. My moisturizer actually gets into my skin instead of sitting on top of it, the flakes that I couldn't get rid of on my nose are gone, and I've had no new breakouts.

I feel like a fool for spending so much money on expensive products that I didn't really use. This thing is fantastic, and I'm pretty sure I'll be using it for a good, long while!

My appointment with the GE went well... sort of. I have a colonoscopy scheduled for the beginning of May, and I need to get a CT of my abdomen as well. He wanted to put me on steroids immediately, but I didn't think that was the best plan since R does not seem to be a big fan of formula. I was leaning towards letting her wean naturally, and now that I was told to get her off the boob asap I seem to be subconsciously digging in my heels about the whole thing. I don't want to breastfeed her until she goes to college, but I was thinking we would wean between 12 and 15 months. She is still so tiny (only 15 ish lbs), and she is taking to this whole "solid" food thing quite slowly. Honestly, all she wants to eat are pears, berries, and puffs, and we think she thinks the puffs are a game. Half of them end up down the gullet of a certain opportunistic Westie.

I feel like this is another part of my life that has been marred by my broken body, and I'm trying to learn what I can from this experience. Knowing that nursing her is coming to an end makes the moments we have left so poignant. My independent little lady only really wants to snuggle with her Daddy, and I am REALLY going to miss our special time. I feel like the lesson that I need to take to heart is that I need to focus on my health, so that special times don't fly by in such a haze. I will always be sick, I will always struggle, and for my own sanity I need to be able to live my life in the moment. Lately it seems like the only times I stop and take a breath are during moments of pain (especially dental work!).

So I am going to snuggle with R instead of playing on my phone while she nurses, I'm going to meal plan for her like a crazy person to find more foods that she loves (or even likes), and I am going to do what I need to in order to get as healthy as possible. My body has belonged to her and her brother since May of 2010, and now I just need to focus on the process of her owning only my arms and heart.

Flare

Tomorrow I am meeting with a gasteroenterologist for the first time in a few years, and I am overwhelmingly nervous. I've been in the middle of a pretty bad flare for about two and a half months, and it is really kicking my ass. I'm exhausted all of the time, and I'm really worried about how this is effecting R. I don't think that I would do anything different daily, except for take her for walks. I don't know if I'm justifying my lack of stroller time, but I don't think it is the worst thing in the world. In the stroller she wouldn't really be able to move, she no longer naps when we are toodling around, and I love that she plays in so many different ways.

So it looks like tomorrow I get to talk about diets, invasive tests, and potential surgeries. I don't really have a lot of hope, but B still does. I really wish he could come with me tomorrow, but I doubt that he will. That is the "fun" of big cities. There may be much more to take advantage of, but it takes a while to get to all of the different places!

On the moving front, we have packed up a ridiculous amount of stuff to go to Goodwill. We have dropped off three carloads so far, and we still have quite a bit to go. I get so excited when each box leaves our possession. Being sentimental has created way to many random piles, bins, and drawers in our house, and I'm so glad that they won't follow us to our new home. Now if I could convince my husband to actually put R's clothes in her hamper...