Saturday, February 4, 2012

I finally cut my hair, after not allowing myself the luxury for a year and a half. Finding a new stylist can be exhausting, and I just didn't want to potentially feel frumpier than I already do. I stopped investing in my appearance a few years ago as a way to try to protect the tatters of my self confidence, and I've allowed that to go on for far too long. So I let the lovely Jill from Elements McLean cut four inches of my hair. While I'm sad to see it go, my hair seems to have this lovely swing that has been missing for far too long. B was extra handsy, and made me feel beautiful.

I don't want R to remember this version of me. I want her to remember me smiling, willing to pose for a photograph, put together, and most importantly, happy with myself and my place in the world. Now that we are on the other side of the haze that is newborn-induced exhaustion, I am trying to focus on myself in a way I have blatantly refused to before.

We are eating better, and I'm hoping to convert all of our regular recipes to clean and organic ones by the time R turns 1. I'm making all of her food from scratch, but roasting a few sweet potatoes and pureeing a few steamed pears isn't exactly rocket science. I spectacularly failed at my first attempt to make organic whole wheat bread, but B ate it anyway. A few months ago, that failure would have depressed me for days. I'm so proud of myself that I simply found a new recipe and moved on to the next task. I feel like I've been stagnant for so long, and that lack of forward momentum has negatively impacted my life.

Today we spent the day at the University of Maryland, where I helped a chapter of my sorority with their recruitment. R wore a version of the round "uniform", and we had the best time. B spent the afternoon playing video games with random frat guys, but he didn't mind (supposedly). On Tuesday I will be clarifying my role as a volunteer with a local theatre, and honestly I couldn't be more excited!

By the end of the week I hope to have everything where it should be in R's room, and to post those elusive nursery pictures. Tomorrow we are going to follow our lazy morning up with a (potential) tour of new apartments and a million baby cuddles. If the rain goes away enough, we may take a family walk with the puppers. It should be a wonderful day.

I'm so happy with my life right now. I have so many opportunities to create a way of living that fulfills me. How amazing!

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