I don't want R to remember this version of me. I want her to remember me smiling, willing to pose for a photograph, put together, and most importantly, happy with myself and my place in the world. Now that we are on the other side of the haze that is newborn-induced exhaustion, I am trying to focus on myself in a way I have blatantly refused to before.
We are eating better, and I'm hoping to convert all of our regular recipes to clean and organic ones by the time R turns 1. I'm making all of her food from scratch, but roasting a few sweet potatoes and pureeing a few steamed pears isn't exactly rocket science. I spectacularly failed at my first attempt to make organic whole wheat bread, but B ate it anyway. A few months ago, that failure would have depressed me for days. I'm so proud of myself that I simply found a new recipe and moved on to the next task. I feel like I've been stagnant for so long, and that lack of forward momentum has negatively impacted my life.
Today we spent the day at the University of Maryland, where I helped a chapter of my sorority with their recruitment. R wore a version of the round "uniform", and we had the best time. B spent the afternoon playing video games with random frat guys, but he didn't mind (supposedly). On Tuesday I will be clarifying my role as a volunteer with a local theatre, and honestly I couldn't be more excited!
By the end of the week I hope to have everything where it should be in R's room, and to post those elusive nursery pictures. Tomorrow we are going to follow our lazy morning up with a (potential) tour of new apartments and a million baby cuddles. If the rain goes away enough, we may take a family walk with the puppers. It should be a wonderful day.
I'm so happy with my life right now. I have so many opportunities to create a way of living that fulfills me. How amazing!