Someone Like You

I adore Adele. Her songs are just so emotional, the lyrics well written. Her voice just seems to cut into your heart.

"Picnic" in the Park

Yesterday we took the Metro to Capitol Hill for a picnic. Due to my inability to plan properly, we didn't really have picnic food in the house, other than PB&J. Since we were trying to make a date/family adventure out of this, we decided to find a local eatery and grab lunch there. The plan was to eat and people watch at the National Mall, and let R roll around on the (blanket covered) grass.

Of course, the place that we chose is closed on Sundays, so we ended up eating at the Capitol Lounge. R ate there too, which marked the second time we've taken our baby to a bar and that I breastfed her near drunk people. I'm a real winner when it comes to that sort of thing. The food was great, and we were lucky enough to sit outside. The bar (we thought it was a restaurant!) is across the street from the Library of Congress, which is just beautiful. I should have taken some pictures, but I'm not so good at using the giant camera that we lug around the city.

After lunch/dinner, we walked along the Mall. R had a snack in the garden outside of the Botanical Garden, after screaming like a banshee to get her diaper changed. I almost body slammed some jackass who said something rude about the way B was holding R. She was practicing standing while looking around (while I was cleaning up the evidence) and smiling at the trees moving in the wind. She was breathtaking, and this guy walked by and said something snarky about first time dads. Other than losing three cloth diapers (seriously, B, how did you do that?), B has been the best Daddy a little girl could ask for! Since most of you know how I feel about my dad, y'all know that is high praise indeed! R loves him so much, and you can just tell how safe and loved she feels in his arms.

After calming down while nursing R, I realized how anti-social I've become. B and I definitely need to get out more, or else R won't realize that there are other people in the world! So this upcoming weekend, we will take our little family for a real picnic along Skyline Drive. Duke will be invited this time, and I promise that I will actually take more than one picture!

Bryce's Birthday

One year ago today we went into the doctor's office to check on a little bit of bleeding, and for an early anatomy scan. That night our stillborn son was delivered.

Now we have a beautiful little girl who is starting to smile hourly and is having conversations with us in baby talk. She is everything to us.

It isn't enough. There is still a hole in my heart, and I'm learning that there always will be. There is nothing that will ever replace our son. Raquel is a unique miracle.

Bryce, there is a quote from a book my mother used to read to me that runs through my mind at least once a day. I never really understood it until you were gone. The book was written as a memorial to the author's stillborn daughters.

"I love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." Robert Munsch

It is a cloudy fall day in Omaha today. I wish we could visit you. I hope your bunny and copy of Peter Pan are still there, and that you are happy in Neverneverland. Our little bolt of lightening, you are missed more that words can convey.

One month (plus three weeks)

Bittersweet

"There is a harmony in autumn, and a luster in its sky, which through the summer is not heard or seen, as if it could not be, as if it had not been!" Percy Bysshe Shelley

Today on Pinterest, I found this great bucket list for fall activities.

B and I are always trying to figure out fun date ideas that are more than going to a movie after dinner at a chain restaurant. It is also really important to me to create family traditions that we do together, year after year. With many of our childhood traditions centered around religious holidays, we need to put in a little extra effort to create family memories that everyone can participate in. This list, with a few football and Westie related activities added, is a great inspiration for a wonderful season filled with laughter, love, and orange.

This weekend I'm hoping that we can go on a picnic on Capitol Hill, but we are going to have to go on Sunday. Saturday is Bryce's birthday, and I don't think I'm going to make it out of the house. I'm planning on lighting a Yahrzeit candle in his memory, and I'm going to spend the day taking care of his sister as best I can. I may go for a drive and let B take care of the baby. I think I need to just cry. I haven't let myself really grieve since I knew I was pregnant, which was December of last year. I'm hoping that by taking the time to mourn his death that I will be able to spend this fall in a better mental place.

I was so excited to be pregnant last year.

I love the fall. I hope I can learn to love it in a similar way again.

I want to see this movie with my girlfriends, some wine (or an unending amount of tea and Pumpkin Spice Lattes), and an entire pack of tissues from Costco. Wow.

And the Summer blooms...

"And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer."

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Raquel Rosalind V. was born on July 24, 2011 at 12.48 pm. She was 8 pounds 1 oz, and 21 inches long. The last month has been the most rewarding and exhausting of my life. She is growing so fast, and has such a strong personality already.

So our little family is filled with July babies...my birthday, then Raquel's, B's and Duke! It will be a busy month for us, with our wedding anniversary in the mix as well. Summer is going to be a very special time in our house.
Honestly, I feel like every day is a special day now. I am overwhelmed with how much I love this little person. She is starting to smile with regularity, and at times the only thing that can console her is being cuddled up in my arms. Late at night, I (with varying levels of success) sing Disney songs to put her to sleep , and she snuggles into my chest. She makes the most adorable noises, and I've started to call her my little bird.

Duke is not a fan yet, but she is growing on him. Once I'm feeling a bit less cut o

pen in the middle (oh, C-sections), we will go on regular walks with the two of them. I'm sure that will help his opinion of her. Once she starts solids, they will be best friends. Until then, I just try to cuddle with him when I am not attached to the baby. My life is one big cuddle-fest. B has even jumped on that train, and hugs me CONSTANTLY. It must be nice for your wife to lose 30 pounds of gut in a week and a half. He is especially loving all of the extra room in our bed. I was such a whale.
Tomorrow we are doing a "photo shoot" for Raquel's 1st month. I'll post the pictures soon, but until then, here is one to tide you over!