Monday, April 9, 2012

My appointment with the GE went well... sort of. I have a colonoscopy scheduled for the beginning of May, and I need to get a CT of my abdomen as well. He wanted to put me on steroids immediately, but I didn't think that was the best plan since R does not seem to be a big fan of formula. I was leaning towards letting her wean naturally, and now that I was told to get her off the boob asap I seem to be subconsciously digging in my heels about the whole thing. I don't want to breastfeed her until she goes to college, but I was thinking we would wean between 12 and 15 months. She is still so tiny (only 15 ish lbs), and she is taking to this whole "solid" food thing quite slowly. Honestly, all she wants to eat are pears, berries, and puffs, and we think she thinks the puffs are a game. Half of them end up down the gullet of a certain opportunistic Westie.

I feel like this is another part of my life that has been marred by my broken body, and I'm trying to learn what I can from this experience. Knowing that nursing her is coming to an end makes the moments we have left so poignant. My independent little lady only really wants to snuggle with her Daddy, and I am REALLY going to miss our special time. I feel like the lesson that I need to take to heart is that I need to focus on my health, so that special times don't fly by in such a haze. I will always be sick, I will always struggle, and for my own sanity I need to be able to live my life in the moment. Lately it seems like the only times I stop and take a breath are during moments of pain (especially dental work!).

So I am going to snuggle with R instead of playing on my phone while she nurses, I'm going to meal plan for her like a crazy person to find more foods that she loves (or even likes), and I am going to do what I need to in order to get as healthy as possible. My body has belonged to her and her brother since May of 2010, and now I just need to focus on the process of her owning only my arms and heart.

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